[UPBEAT MUSIC] NARRATOR: The nation's favorite celebrities-- Ooh!

Just want to touch base.

NARRATOR: --paired up with an expert-- Boo!

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: -- and a classic car.

No hands!

NARRATOR: Their mission-- to scour Britain for antiques.

My office.

Now!

NARRATOR: The aim-- to make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no easy ride.

Oh.

NARRATOR: Who will find a hidden gem?

Love that.

NARRATOR: Who will take the biggest risk?

This could end in disaster.

NARRATOR: Will anybody follow expert advice?

But I love this!

Why would you buy something you're not going to use?

NARRATOR: There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

No, I don't want to shake hands.

NARRATOR: Put your pedal to the metal.

Let me get out of first gear.

NARRATOR: This is the "Celebrity Antiques Road Trip."

[MUSIC PLAYING] Yeah.

Today, we'll be pootling around Edinburgh with two celebrities who are the best of friends.

This is what life is all about, isn't it?

This is perfect.

In the middle of nowhere, in a car that's smaller than my jumper.

NARRATOR: Squeezed into this HMC Healey are comedian Tim Vine, and actor and funnyman Ricky Grover.

So I'm trying to find a gear I like, and that's not-- I don't think that's one.

Oh, blimey, there we are.

There you go.

That's the one.

I like-- I think I'm choosing this, depending on what note I'm getting from it.

NARRATOR: King of one-line comedy, Tim has a reputation as a fast-fire pun-slinger.

It's a pansy.

Was a chimpanzee.

That's not a good sign, is it?

NARRATOR: The funny man even held the Guinness World Record for telling 499 jokes in just 60 minutes.

Wow.

Serious, now.

Concentrate on the road.

Just go over this speed bump.

Oh!

That's my bum meeting the floor, isn't it?

NARRATOR: A one-time amateur boxing champion-- not a lot people know that-- Ricky has starred in some of Britain's best-loved programs, such as "EastEnders" and the "Porridge" remake.

Here's hoping for an appropriate sparring partner, eh?

What sort of antique expert are you after, Ricky?

It'd be lovely if I've got someone that spoke me own language, wouldn't it?

You're going to get the posh one.

- I'm going to get the posh one.

- Guarantee.

You're going to get-- you're going to be going mob-handed into antique shops and threaten them into giving you bargains.

NARRATOR: There'll be no need for that, not when you've got two veteran antiquers on hand to help with the haggling.

Behind the wheel of this 1969 Jaguar E-Type is James Braxton.

Riding shotgun is David Harper, in leather.

It's a beautiful car, and you look beautiful too.

You look fantastic.

Oh, David, I'm loving you.

NARRATOR: Steady on, you two.

Mutual admiration.

What about your celebrities, eh?

So, Tim Vine.

Yeah?

- Do you know him?

- A lovely man.

I've seen him.

- Right.

Very funny.

Very funny man.

He's superbly funny.

Tim is the man for me, chief.

I think he does suit you.

And I like Ricky.

I think he's an all-rounder.

He's a sportsman-- ex-sportsman, a boxer.

He's a comedian, a great actor.

And I think he's oozing talent.

So I'm happy to go with Ricky.

NARRATOR: That sounds like a decision to me.

Once paired up, our teams will hit the road with 400 pounds in their pockets.

James and David are standing by on the shore of the Firth of Forth to go forth.

So I get a bit perky when I'm near salt water.

So is this you being perky, then?

Yeah.

Oh.

NARRATOR: Look lively then, gents.

Here they come.

Isn't that a pretty car?

We made it.

I've never seen a space so constrained.

Take your time, chaps.

You two make a space look small, don't you?

Cor!

I tell you.

I had to grease up to get in there.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

It was hard work.

Well, you're with me, Ricky.

Come on, James.

I saw you.

I thought, "I hope it's him!"

Oh, not again!

Come on!

I can't keep doing this!

It's like getting in a submarine!

Luckily, I'm a yogic master.

So-- I'm in.

We'll leave these two standing, won't we?

We've got the wrong car, haven't we?

See you tomorrow.

In your own time, Tim.

Right.

This-- I'm just trying to-- I'll be master of the hand brake.

Yeah, brilliant mind.

I knew that was on.

I'm going to attempt second.

NARRATOR: Let's see where our pairs are headed, shall we?

Starting off in Inverkeithing, in beautiful Fife, they will meander their way around Edinburgh before heading 130 miles south across the border to auction in Wooler.

The E-Types are getting better acquainted.

Form an orderly queue.

I come from rag'n'bone people.

Rag'n'bo-- eh, you, then, have been perfectly trained if that's the case.

Give me the story there.

So we had a horse in our hallway.

Your hallway?

In your house?

In the house.

What, you want to mean a real horse?

A real horse, called Ginger.

What's Ginger doing in the hallway?

See, if you're a rag'n'bone, you've got nothing to pull the cart.

You got to have an horse.

- That's your car, isn't it?

- That's your car.

But do you know what?

Can you imagine the sort of stuff that's gone through my hands as a rag'n'bone person?

Well, that's interesting.

So all this stuff you've seen, was there anything in particular that you really loved?

Any particular period or type of thing?

Well, when you're from the East End, it's not so much about the stories.

It's more about is there a pound note in it?

NARRATOR: That's the spirit, Ricky.

Meanwhile, Tim and James are having a little bit of difficulty with their HMC Healey.

It's a grinding noise, isn't it?

Oh dear, that is grinding.

I'll try and get into second.

Having a bit of trouble getting it into a gear.

I'm going to try and get it in first.

Yeah.

I think we're reaching crisis point.

I mean, this is-- we ought to be giving up on it.

I think we're giving up on it.

I mean, it doesn't-- I can't get it in gear.

That's kind of-- it's one of the things about driving, isn't it?

It's quite fundamental, isn't it?

I think it's all right to leave it here and just move on with our lives.

Right.

NARRATOR: That's the car gone, then.

Onwards and upwards.

You do visual jokes as well, do you, Tim?

I do some visual jokes, yes.

It's good, isn't it?

This bloke said to me, he said, "Can you copy a cassette for me?"

I said, "Sure."

NARRATOR: Both teams this morning are heading for the same shop.

Despite abandoning their car, Tim and James are first to arrive.

- James.

- Gail.

- Gail.

- Hi.

Tim.

Hi, Tim.

Well, we're looking for something that, ah, that you're selling at a price, but you don't realize it's worth more.

Right.

Well, we'll try and find something like that, I'm quite sure, upstairs.

NARRATOR: Well, Tim catches on quick.

The Bargain Centre has plenty to choose from.

I wonder what will catch their eye.

What's this?

It looks like-- well, I don't know what it is.

Well, I think that was known as a telephone seat.

And so, when you were nattering to Aunt Hilda, you would seat in, sit in some comfort.

Brilliant.

I think I might try it, actually.

I'm going to-- - Do you?

Yeah.

I put my, put my phone down here and see what it's-- That's, that's, that's sort of period phone, isn't it?

Hello.

Mother?

Hold the line.

NARRATOR: And along they come, Ricky and David.

Flash.

[INAUDIBLE] we beat them.

Brilliant.

I want to get in there nice and fast.

Oh, excuse me.

I just want to touch base.

If I like something, I'll say, "Sweet as a nut."

OK. All right.

"Sweet as a nut."

Marvelous.

This is great.

- Oh.

- Hello.

There's the rivals.

The competition.

How'd you get here?

We got a taxi.

Well, we walked quicker than your car.

Well, we've had a nice drive in the countryside, though.

Haven't we, Ricky?

- We've had a nice drive.

That don't matter.

It's all right.

The odds are against us, but we're still going to come good.

So, Ricky, this is not a "sweet as a nut" moment, is it?

It's not, really.

No.

Go on, Tim.

Who was here first?

Yeah, yeah.

We're going to have to-- OK, well, what I would like to do-- I think this is a bit sparse.

I want to get in there, but let's go behind them.

I know they've already been there, but I don't-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] They know nothing, the pair of them, honestly.

NARRATOR: Good plan, David.

Let's see what's on offer.

Who does that remind you of?

RICKY GROVER: Oh, Ginger.

DAVID HARPER: Ginger!

Sellotape, James.

It's very cheap for sellotape.

But I think, you know, is there markup?

But what about the buffet?

Can you name the wood, Tim?

TIM VINE: Um, I'm going to call it Cyril.

[LAUGHTER] No, it's called mahogany.

Cyril Mahogany, obviously.

Yeah.

Cyril killer.

Cyril!

Cyril killer, that's a good, that's a good punch line for a joke.

I'm going to text myself that.

Cyril killer.

We're getting a bit off track here, aren't we?

[INAUDIBLE] NARRATOR: Yeah, you'd better get moving, chaps.

It looks like your opponents have already found something.

Yeah, a Benares brass tea bell.

15 quid.

15 quid.

OK.

It's a bell.

Yeah.

Ah.

How does it work?

How does it work?

So it's got to be like-- Oh, that's a good sound.

I used to do a bit of chanting.

I don't know if you-- Genuinely?

Gen-- this is not a wind-up.

Can, can I ring the bell and you chant?

Namyohorengekyo, namyohorengekyo, namyohorengekyo, namyohorengekyo, namyohorengekyo.

Bit out of breath, but-- It worked on me.

What age do you think that is?

Do you know what?

I don't think it's massive age.

It feels machine-made.

DAVID HARPER: I think you're absolutely bang on.

RICKY GROVER: Thanks.

DAVID HARPER: You can tell by the teeth, there.

There's no wear at all.

It's even been blacked up in places to make it look like it's built up kind of a patination.

Yeah.

But it's the kind of thing that Buddhists would have been using for centuries.

The design hasn't changed.

And we know, because we've used it, it works.

RICKY GROVER: See if we can get it for a cockerel.

DAVID HARPER: A cockerel?

RICKY GROVER: A cockerel, yeah.

Ask them if they do it for a cockerel.

- I'll ask them for a cockerel.

- Yeah.

All right.

OK. You know what a cockerel-- I haven't got a clue, but I'll ask him.

Cockerel and hen, ten.

Cockerel and-- OK. OK. Well-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] - Yeah.

DAVID HARPER: I'm sure they'll understand East End.

RICKY GROVER: Yeah.

DAVID HARPER: Should we try a cockerel?

RICKY GROVER: Yeah, let's try it.

- All right.

- OK, lovely.

NARRATOR: Let's see if Gail can comprehend Ricky's cockney rhyming slang.

15 pounds.

Gail, would you be interested in taking a cockerel for it?

Yes, I think we could do that.

10 pounds, yes.

How did you know it's 10 pounds?

Because Gail's clued up!

Now that'd be lovely it you done that for us, Gail.

I'm over the moon with that.

- We'll be happy with that.

- Yeah.

Marvelous.

Gail, thank you very much indeed.

- You're welcome.

- Thank you.

- Thanks so much.

- You're welcome.

Our first purchase.

Cheers.

Thank you very much.

Thanking you.

NARRATOR: Good start, but watch out.

It looks like Tim and James are on your patch.

Gail, do us a favor.

Could you call them over and say you'd like to show them something?

When we get them over here, we can slip out the back over there.

Would you do that for us?

I'll try.

Tim?

Hi, there.

I've got something over here I'd like to show you.

All right.

OK. GAIL: I think your friends have just slipped over into the corner there.

Oh, they've done the classic pincer move.

Oh, yeah.

TIM VINE: And you've been part of it, Gail, have you?

Sorry!

TIM VINE: I can't believe it.

Good maneuvering there, by the way.

Very good maneuvering.

You got to use all of the skills you got in your armory.

NARRATOR: Very sneaky.

It doesn't seem to have fazed them, though.

What's this?

I think it's a digi-- Isn't it an Aussie thing?

Didgeridoo.

Didgeridoo, yeah.

Yeah.

I saw this bloke playing "Dancing Queen" on a didgeridoo.

I thought, "That's ABBA-riginal."

[LAUGHTER] It's got a split there, but for 30 quid-- I would get that for 15.

Go for the jugular.

Have you got a joke about the splits?

Uh, yes.

I went down to a local gym.

I said, "Mr. "Nasium," I said.

I said, "Can you teach me how to do the splits?"

He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

[LAUGHTER] - Go on.

- Let's have a look.

NARRATOR: Let's hope Gail's got a sense of humor, eh?

The didgeridoo is priced at 30 pounds, but just don't try and play it.

Now we, we have something here which we like, but there's one thing about it.

A caveat.

A caveat, in that it really has a jolly nasty split in it.

So what would you like to offer tonight?

10 pounds now.

Tenner.

I don't think he'll go that low, but I can certainly phone and ask.

NARRATOR: Well, if you don't ask, you don't get.

Hello, it's Gail.

Hiya.

Right.

I've got a gentleman looking at the didgeridoo, and he was wondering-- you've got a price of 30 pound.

He was wondering-- There's a big split.

--if you would do it for 10.

What about 15?

He'll go halfway.

Oh, that sounds fair enough.

We'll go with 15.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

- Thank you.

Bye-bye.

NARRATOR: That's their first buy of the trip.

Time for Tim and James to hit the road.

There's their car.

That's their car.

If only we had-- what?

Key.

Come on, then.

Let's see.

It might have the keys in it.

- Should we take it?

- Why not?

Do you want to walk?

- No, no, no.

- It's a long way.

- Go for it.

Go on.

Ricky's not going to be pleased with this.

He's going to love it.

Don't you worry.

It's open, but-- An old car trick.

There we are.

You're away.

Well done, that, man.

Up there, turn left.

Ow.

NARRATOR: Naughty.

Back in the shop, none the wiser, Ricky's spotted something.

My gosh.

Do you know what it is?

Is it like, um, a fountain?

You know, you press it down and the water comes out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's exactly what it is.

Brilliant.

DAVID HARPER: Initials there.

I mean, when you see initials like that, you often think of a monarch.

RICKY GROVER: Yes.

But that is not a monarch.

It's not VR or GR.

RICKY GROVER: No.

DAVID HARPER: It is CN.

So it's somebody's initials.

Yeah.

So, um, it's probably not something that you might find in a park.

Yeah.

Public park.

More like it's a private home.

55.

I feel we should offer him Bobby Moore.

Let me just try and work that out.

A Bobby Moore.

Yeah.

That's 20.

- See?

- Am I right?

It's bang on.

Bobby Moore, score.

Bobby Moore, score!

NARRATOR: David's catching on quickly.

Time to talk to dealer George, to see what can be done on the 19th-century cast iron wall fountain.

[INAUDIBLE] out, George.

I don't want to rip you up the ribs too hard.

But is there any chance you would take a Bobby Moore for this?

Score?

Score?

RICKY GROVER: A hundred percent.

DAVID HARPER: Exactly.

RICKY GROVER: You got it.

Well, so that's a wee, wee bit, a wee bit cheap.

RICKY GROVER: OK. How about if we make it 25?

How about if, how about if we do 22.50 and meet in the middle.

Is there any chance of that?

I think we could maybe do that.

They've of course been lying in my garage for a long time, now.

RICKY GROVER: Yeah, I'd love to have that for 22.50.

I'm over the moon with that.

Gives me a bit of a chance.

[INAUDIBLE] You should have a good chance for that.

George, you've been hit up the ribs.

Thank you.

Cheers, George.

Thanks a lot.

And thanks again, Gail.

Cheers.

- You're welcome.

- Thanks a lot.

Thank you, Gail.

Marvelous.

NARRATOR: So polite.

That's a total of 32 pounds and 50 pence for the wall fountain and the Benares bell.

Nicely done, chaps.

Where's the car, then?

Where did I park the car?

Have you got the keys?

No, I haven't got the keys.

Hang on a minute.

I know what's happened here.

I know what's happened.

Have you worked it out?

They've taken it.

Posh mobs took it, haven't they?

Yeah.

We've been mobbed, haven't we?

Do you know what we've been done?

Hit up the ribs by the posh mob.

NARRATOR: Scandalous.

The least they could have done is to take it somewhere more scenic.

Not very James Bond.

Incredible.

When I was growing up, this was my favorite type of car, was the E-Type Jaguar.

And this is my first time in an E-Type Jaguar, never mind driving one.

This is like a childhood dream coming true right here.

This is lovely.

I do feel a bit guilty that we have essentially stolen their car.

That's the only thing.

- I don't.

- Don't you?

At all?

No, no, no.

See, I know Ricky-- Why?

Well, I know Ricky a little bit better than you, and he boxes.

And, you know, he might-- We're on dangerous ground, here?

We are on.

You know, my suggestion is that at this stage we hand the money back and we just keep driving.

NARRATOR: Tim and James are heading to Tynecastle stadium, home to Heart of Midlothian Football Club.

They've come to find out about the Heart's team of 1914, and how their actions at the outbreak of World War I inspired many to fight for their country.

Chief Operating Officer Scot Gardiner is here to tell them more about this defining time in the club's history.

Incredible stadium to be in.

Tell us about this amazing story that is central to this club.

Well, in 1914, Heart of Midlothian football team was widely recognized as being one of the greatest teams that the club had had at that date, and were leading the league in Scotland when the Great War broke out.

NARRATOR: Professional football, which continued throughout the war years, was the subject of intense public scrutiny.

In November, 1914, a damning letter appeared in the press, labeling the club the "White Feathers of Midlothian."

This accusation of cowardice spurred the players into action.

The players had a meeting without the manager being there, and said, "We must not take this.

And we must show that we're as brave as everyone else."

And signed up en masse.

NARRATOR: Feeling a call of duty, the players gave up their lead, and the league.

And this action proved inspirational.

Supporters of Hearts-- because, see, they were a very successful team at the time-- signed up because they wanted to be in the same battalion as their heroes.

Yeah.

Most of them signed up for the 16th Royal Scots.

NARRATOR: Within a week, the 16th Royal Scots had enlisted 1,350 men, amongst them 16 Hearts players, and 500 of the team's supporters.

You would find it difficult to imagine a football team en masse in the modern age saying, "We're all off to sign up, and we're going straight to the front line."

NARRATOR: Local author Tom Purdie has written about the team's transition from footballers to soldiers.

So what sort of training were they doing at the same time as training for the football matches?

Head off into the hills, into the Pentland hills, in night maneuvers.

Come back from the night maneuvers 6:00, 7:00 in the morning.

A few hours rest, jump in a train, off to go in Glasgow-- And play football?

--or Aberdeen.

To play football, yes.

They ended up with blisters on their feet.

And as a result, the trainer, Jimmy Duckworth, he went along with them on their night maneuvers to bandage up their injuries.

NARRATOR: Training complete, the players and fans joined the front line in January, 1916.

But no amount of training could have prepared them for what was to come.

Over the course of the war, around 1,000 men from the 16th Battalion, including many Hearts players, lost their lives.

So was this being relayed to the fans?

Were they aware of what was happening to their players?

Yes.

What eventually filtered back, as we very well know-- there was a form, 108b, which always began with "I regret to inform you."

So the area here, around about Tynecastle, the Gorgie area, this is where the main body of enlistment came from.

So the postman was not a welcome sight on your street.

There was something I was reading on the wall over there, in actual fact, and I'll see if I can remember what it says.

"On the 9th of April, 1922, the Secretary of State for Scotland unveiled the War Memorial."

SCOT GARDINER: Sir Robert Munro.

TIM VINE: Well, he said, "They did not hesitate to serve their country in the early days of the Great War, and their example was contagious."

I think that's what makes the club so, so revered the world over because of their actions.

And, you know, we won't forget them.

They were just ordinary men, from ordinary-- Boys.

--ordinary streets.

Yes.

Yeah.

We had a life.

We've had a life.

They hadn't.

NARRATOR: A memorial garden was built to remember and celebrate these men who, in showing such bravery, became legends of both the club and the game.

Meanwhile, Ricky and David are on their way to the town of South Queensferry.

It sits between the two iconic bridges on the Firth of Forth.

How did they get the keys?

Well, I left the keys in.

Oh.

I'm thinking Braxton might have slipped up and dipped your pocket.

Could be you actually left them in the motor?

I left them in, yeah.

I'll tell you what, I feel shorter.

I feel I've been on a sponsored walk.

NARRATOR: Not far to go now, chaps.

Sea Kist sells all manner of Maritime antiques.

Sometimes you put the cream in the window, don't you?

All right, yeah.

RICKY GROVER: So it's worth just having a quick look.

DAVID HARPER: OK. RICKY GROVER: What do you say about that duck?

DAVID HARPER: I actually like the duck.

I like the duck.

Why do you like the duck?

I don't know.

I'm drawn to it.

Yeah.

And I never thought I'd get drawn to a duck.

No.

I never did.

Unless you're going to put it in pancakes and roll it up.

Exactly.

But that's a proper duck.

NARRATOR: Time to talk to shop owner Jenny.

Hello, Jenny.

We've met before.

David Harper.

- We have, yes.

- Nice to meet you.

Nice to see you, yes.

Lovely to meet you, Jenny.

I'm Ricky.

Good to meet you.

So is there any chance of having a look at the duck?

I'm going to bring it out headfirst.

RICKY GROVER: OK. DAVID HARPER: OK. All right.

Does he come in two?

Oh, maybe not.

Oh, yeah.

DAVID HARPER: Oh, I see.

Oh, oh, Jenny.

He's a beauty.

- Head.

RICKY GROVER: Hats off!

DAVID HARPER: Isn't he gorgeous?

Whoa.

I don't think he's from 'round these parts.

And that's, that's some of his excess shells, OK?

Oh, I see.

I see.

Comes with a little bit of extra duck.

NARRATOR: Shell work was extremely popular with sailors in the Victorian era.

Most shell art was produced by amateurs.

But this ambitious three-dimensional duck design is a handsome example, and could have been made by anyone.

I'm going to tell you the truth.

He's freaking me out, that duck.

He feels like he's always staring at you.

NARRATOR: That's because the ticket price is 60 pounds.

Quackers.

Anything else catch Ricky's eye?

What we've got is a pair of Sheffield, I would say-- Yeah.

--pewter-- Yeah.

--1910, '20, candlesticks.

RICKY GROVER: Yeah.

DAVID HARPER: So this has been nipped together, and you've lost a little bit off yours.

And also, you can tell they're handmade because, see, his arm is much further over his face than that one.

So it's not a machine.

It's not a machine job.

You know, I'm picking this game out good, amn't I?

You're good.

You've got a good eye, I've got to tell you.

You have.

- Thanks, mate.

My only issue with it is, obviously, the damage.

Because I know anything like this, damage is massive.

DAVID HARPER: Very, very easily damaged, yeah.

RICKY GROVER: Yeah.

NARRATOR: You're not wrong, Ricky.

That's the pewter candlesticks and the duck on hold.

What's next?

I want to take you back to the Orient.

I like that.

I like that.

I'm always in love with these things.

Do you know what it is?

Is it a tea caddy?

NARRATOR: No, not a tea caddy.

David?

DAVID HARPER: It's called a koro, because it's Japanese.

RICKY GROVER: OK.

If it was Chinese, it would be called a censer.

So what you do, you drop in burning incense.

Keep the lid off.

And then out would pour clouds of smoke, representing the long-gone dead souls of your ancestors.

Listen, I'm into it.

But where's all the dead people coming from?

It's nice!

It's-- no, it's not bad!

OK.

It's celebrating those that created you.

RICKY GROVER: So it's a very spiritual experience we're speaking of.

DAVID HARPER: Yes.

That don't say cockerel, does it?

It doesn't say cock-- DAVID HARPER: Jenny!

Do you fancy a cockerel, Jenny?

I think we'd have to have another half one on that.

OK. Cockerel and a half for that.

Right.

So that's 15 quid.

NARRATOR: One possible.

Still tempted though, aren't you?

Moving on, though.

What else?

To give us a proper chance-- So that would make that a bull's-eye, and that a cockerel.

It's like a foreign language.

That's a bull's-eye and a cockerel.

That's the same as you said.

60.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Now time for the calculations, Jenny.

I think they're offering you 40 pounds for the duck, 10 pounds for the candlesticks, and 10 pounds for the Japanese koro, coming to a total of 60 pounds.

70 would be better.

And that's, that's good.

RICKY GROVER: The duck's looking at me.

I know I can't leave the duck.

I know you can't leave the duck.

Can we meet halfway at 65?

Yeah.

Oh, thank you so much.

I thought I want to put my glasses on, I got so excited.

Thank you, Jenny.

Let's have a little spiritual cuddle.

Thank you so much, Jenny.

NARRATOR: That's a deal, then.

40 pounds for the shell-decorated duck, 10 for the pewter candlesticks, and 15 for the koro.

I mean, look at this.

Ah, it's a good duck.

It's a good duck.

I'm proud of you, David.

NARRATOR: Ducky!

That's it for today.

Nighty-night.

[MUSIC] A new morning, and a new car!

A red TR6 replaces yesterday's broken HMC Healey, but-- I got a funny feeling all is not well.

It was James's idea to steal the E-Type.

Ricky.

It wasn't my idea.

It's just, I've never stolen anything in my life.

I'm not proud of it.

Ricky?

Don't be like this, Ricky.

It was just, it's, you know.

Tim, I've known you for over 20 years, right?

Yeah.

You've never, ever put a foot out of place.

No, I guess.

You've been with this Braxton geezer five minutes, right?

You're nicking cars!

What's going on?

Well, I-- Off your own mate!

I know, I'm just-- Well, when you put it like that, it's, it's surprising.

RICKY GROVER: It's a diabolical liberty, Tim.

NARRATOR: Yes, diabolical.

What do our experts have to say?

You stole our car.

You stole it!

It was raining!

Yeah, well, you need to apologize to Ricky.

When I see Ricky, it's going to be hands up.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, good luck.

Good luck with that, James, yeah.

Hands up, hands up!

Couple of soft jabs.

NARRATOR: Good luck with that, James.

He's quite upset, you know.

For the start, you made out the other motor broke down.

The other motor did break down, because of the fact that the gears stopped working.

That's why we've got this new car.

Look, the TB, uh, TB, To Be Confirmed or whatever it's called.

NARRATOR: TR6.

Yesterday, Ricky and David bought like wildfire.

They have the Benares tea bell, the iron, wall-mounted fountain, the pewter candlesticks, the Japanese koro, and the shell-decorated duck.

He's freaking me out, that duck.

NARRATOR: Leaving them with 302 pounds and 50 pence to spend today.

Tim and James bought one item, the Australian didgeridoo, leaving them with a huge sum of 385 pounds to play with today.

Right, then, chaps.

Time for everyone to catch up and be friends.

You keep doing that, yeah, but you're going to get one up the ribs!

[LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] Oh, it's a TR6!

A bit pimped up.

Hey look at that.

It's a pimped-up TR6!

Ricky!

Ricky!

How you feeling?

JAMES BRAXTON: Should I hit him now?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Cheers, man.

How are you, mate?

Very good.

How are you?

Up the ribs, Ricky!

Up the ribs!

It's like getting in a submarine, isn't it?

Yeah, I mean.

It's a bit like strapping into a parachute.

Here, boys!

NARRATOR: While Tim and James sort themselves out, Ricky and David have a head start.

Both teams are heading to the Leith area of Edinburgh.

Out of all the roles I've done-- and I've sort of won some awards for stuff and that.

When you're from the East End, to be in "EastEnders," you've cracked it.

Yeah.

It's like, all my family, they're not interested in anything else I've done.

No.

You know, forget all the other things that are a bit highbrow and a bit different.

"EastEnders," Andrew Cotton, they're all like, "Oh, he's cracked it!"

"He's done it!"

"You seen Ricky?

You seen him on there?"

Yeah.

"Oh, Andrew Cotton, he's one of your own!"

That's brilliant.

Yeah.

You'd be good on "EastEnders" with that jacket.

That's all I need, the jacket.

I tell you what, Davey.

Look, Davey.

Davey.

I grew up in the car lot.

Davey 'Arper.

Yeah!

NARRATOR: Davey 'Arper.

I think not.

Let's check in with Tim and James.

TIM VINE: We bought one thing, haven't we, James?

JAMES BRAXTON: Yeah, we're doing well.

We've only got-- TIM VINE: Oh, but are we, though?

Now we're on our own and you can talk to me honestly.

I mean-- JAMES BRAXTON: I think we've got to spend up, cheeky.

We need to spend serious money to make serious money.

TIM VINE: Right.

NARRATOR: Sounds like a plan.

Both teams are heading to Edinburgh Antiques Centre.

And true to form, Tim and James have arrived first.

TIM VINE: I can tell this is the location-- JAMES BRAXTON: This is-- TIM VINE: --where we win.

JAMES BRAXTON: This is the magic.

Just give me two hours to get this safety belt off, and I'll meet you in there round about dinnertime.

NARRATOR: Come on.

Get a move on.

There's plenty to see and you've only bought one item so far.

Anything that catches your eye?

[INTERPOSING VOICES] I'm looking at something that, from here, looks like a small set of bellows on a tripod.

What is it?

NARRATOR: Looks like a lemon press to me.

Most likely Edwardian.

We could certainly try and squeeze it in.

NARRATOR: Oh, Tim!

JAMES BRAXTON: Does it work?

You know, you should be able to sort of take that out for easy cleaning, shouldn't you?

Oh, here we are.

Look, it's functional.

So you take that out, you clean it.

So it does work.

It's not faux.

Nice tight fit there.

Works, doesn't it?

TIM VINE: I think this could be the moment we buy something quite quick.

NARRATOR: Let's hope so.

The lemon press is priced at 75 pounds.

Campbell is on hand to help.

TIM VINE: It's beautiful.

We like it a lot.

What would you say to 25 pounds?

Oh!

I would say that's probably a little low.

Maybe if you can knock it up slightly.

What would you knock it up to?

45.

I think touch hands, what-what, around 40?

40 pounds and a deal?

- 40 pounds is a deal.

- Super.

No problem.

Excellent.

Well done.

We squeezed that out of him, didn't we?

Thank you.

I hope you're not bitter about that.

NARRATOR: That was quick.

And look who's just arrived.

This is ridiculous.

RICKY GROVER: Do you know what?

I hope they left their keys in, because I'm taking their motor.

DAVID HARPER: Let's have a look.

Keys are in.

Keys are out.

TIM VINE: I know what I'm going to do.

DAVID HARPER: What's that?

RICKY GROVER: Oh, it's James Braxton's.

JAMES BRAXTON: Get it on.

DAVID HARPER: It's a lovely bit of carving.

TIM VINE: Yeah.

DAVID HARPER: Always, when buying something, always measure the weight.

Oh, hello.

- How are you, boys?

- Always measure.

Oh, hello.

Hi, team.

Oh, hang on.

Oh, what do you-- these aren't yours to give.

We saw them.

We stole them.

We regretted it.

We thought, "We're too good for that kind of playing, here."

We are too good, yeah.

Where'd you get that, uh, that?

I got this in the East End.

Yeah.

I didn't have him down as a cravat man.

No, I was once skiing through Tie Rack and fell down an 80-foot cravat.

That's one of my jokes.

And that's why you're on "Antiques Road Trip."

That's exactly why, yeah.

NARRATOR: Now, now, boys.

This shop's big enough for the both of you.

I can't believe it.

Look at this!

NARRATOR: What could catch the latecomers' attention?

TIM VINE: Whoa.

Hold tight.

Oriental.

That's a bit of me, isn't it?

It's a bit of you.

DAVID HARPER: I think it's a marriage thing.

I think it's celebrating a marriage.

RICKY GROVER: Is that something you'd wear?

DAVID HARPER: No, I don't think you'd wear it.

I think it's been made to hang.

What, are you saying it's too tight for me?

Ha, ha!

We could wrap that round you, Ricky, damn easy!

Yeah!

DAVID HARPER: Is it on the back as well?

Well, look at that.

It's painted on the back.

Oh, look at that.

That is proper.

DAVID HARPER: That's hand-painted silk, yeah.

RICKY GROVER: Is it?

DAVID HARPER: Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's well and truly degraded over at least 100 years, at least 100 years.

That's a bit of cream now, isn't it?

I like it.

NARRATOR: Ceremonial drapes decorated with auspicious symbols have been part of Chinese culture for millennia.

Elsewhere in the shop, Tim and James have found something they like.

Who does that remind you of?

Ricky?

[LAUGHTER] Campbell, there's all sorts of stuff in here.

We love it.

We'll give you 100 pound for the lot.

Ha!

Oof.

JAMES BRAXTON: What's that there?

That thing there?

NARRATOR: They're a pair of magnification goggles.

They give the wearer an enlarged view.

CAMPBELL: I'll get it out.

NARRATOR: The ticket price is 40 pounds.

TIM VINE: I'll do my James impression while you're doing that.

Hello.

I wonder whether you could play table tennis.

Sorry, but I'm buying that if no one else is.

That is fantastic.

Look at that.

You look like a, you look like a bottlenose dolphin that's just come out of the opticians.

[LAUGHTER] I must say, many hours of fun with this could be made.

TIM VINE: Can I try it on, please?

And it comes with a box as well, doesn't it?

Yes, there's a box there as well.

JAMES BRAXTON: Many hours of fun.

I think you've almost created a new specie.

I think I need to change my prescription, Doctor.

[LAUGHTER] Campbell.

- Yeah.

Don't need you to come forward like that.

Step back from my space, please.

Um, how do you feel about, how do you feel about 25?

Oh, that's a little bit low, a little bit low.

How about 30?

That's close.

But then everything's close when you're wearing these.

[LAUGHTER] 30, did you say?

30, yeah.

For some reason, this is affecting my hearing!

[LAUGHTER] I think we're here for 30 on this, bloke.

Honestly.

What am I shaking?

NARRATOR: Put yourselves together.

Let's see if Ricky and David are having as much fun.

RICKY GROVER: And so-- DAVID HARPER: What you're looking at?

RICKY GROVER: Here it is.

[LAUGHTER] You see what I'm saying?

DAVID HARPER: Oh, my gosh.

NARRATOR: This is a cast of a gorilla skull.

Interestingly, casts of ape skulls have been key to anthropology research for centuries.

Careful, David, ah!

Open wide.

DAVID HARPER: It's not a real one.

RICKY GROVER: No, which I wouldn't want a real one.

DAVID HARPER: No.

RICKY GROVER: How does this look?

That's amazing.

That's amazing.

DAVID HARPER: Oi, James, how are you?

Especially with the cravat!

It's James Braxton.

Don't let him hear.

Don't let him hear.

I like this.

DAVID HARPER: I like that.

Thing is, I can't tell you anything about this, because it-- all I know, it's a model of a gorilla skull.

But what is it that you're drawn to?

Well, there's just something about it.

And my old nan, she used to say I was like a silverback.

Yeah?

You know, she did when I was young, because I was always very strong.

Yeah.

And she used to say, "Look at him.

He's like a silverback."

And that's what drew me to it.

And I thought, you know what, let's give it a go.

Right.

NARRATOR: Well, you can't argue with that, can you?

The cast of the gorilla skull is priced at 295 pounds.

Time to take a seat with dealer Drew to see what can be done.

RICKY GROVER: So, Drew, we're in a bit of trouble.

We're in a little bit of stuck.

I like this.

I really want this.

OK.

But I've also seen, out there, hanging on the wall, a bit of Chinese thing going on.

I don't whether it was a bit of clothing or what it is.

What was the Chinese thing up for?

DREW: It was up for 500.

So it's up for a monkey.

This is all I've got left in the world, Drew.

I've got 2 pound 50 there.

Uh-huh.

We don't need to mention that, Drew.

All right.

That's you.

That's, that's, that's for you.

Right?

That there, my friend, is 300 quid.

It's a carpet.

- It's a carpet, mate.

It's a carpet.

In readies, now, is there any way you could help us out and give us a chance at this auction?

I think we can make the carpet magic and make it work for you.

It's a deal.

Oh, make the carpet magic!

Yeah.

Good magic moment.

Drew.

Do you know what?

You've blown everything.

I'm welling up.

I'm welling up, mate.

NARRATOR: He's going to cry.

That's the cast of the gorilla skull for 102 pounds, 50 pence.

And 200 pounds for the Chinese silk drape, making the drape Ricky's biggest spend of the trip.

That's, chaps, your lot.

DAVID HARPER: Who's driving?

RICKY GROVER: You.

NARRATOR: Let's check in now with Tim and James.

TIM VINE: Oh, oh!

JAMES BRAXTON: Hey.

What have we got here?

TIM VINE: Well, this is some sort of coronation coach.

Quite heavy, that, isn't it?

Mm.

Now that's the Queen's coach, isn't it?

That's that special coach.

- Yes, exactly.

Yes.

She's in there.

JAMES BRAXTON: Is she?

Oh there she is!

The queen once came up to me and she went, "God save our gracious queen."

I said, "You've changed your tune."

[LAUGHTER] JAMES BRAXTON: So you just push that in.

It's got all of its chains, hasn't it?

And that just threads, and that goes, hooks onto that hook there.

NARRATOR: Produced en masse, commemorative coaches like these have little rarity.

However, the original box and overall good condition should go a long way towards tempting collectors at the auction.

Priced at 100 pounds, let's see if they can do a deal with Campbell.

We are interested in this item, the coronation coach.

When was that?

1952, was it?

No.

We're interested in it now, aren't we?

Yeah.

NARRATOR: Actually, the coronation was in 1953, James.

TIM VINE: I'd give you 30 pounds for that.

More like 70.

I'm going to say-- I going to say 45 pounds.

65 46 pounds.

No, 50 pounds?

I think we'll have a deal at 50 pounds.

OK.

Wonderful.

Thank you.

Excellent.

Thank you so much.

NARRATOR: All in, that's 120 pounds for a bumper haul of three items.

Campbell, it's been a delight.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

- Really fabulous.

Thank you very much, indeed.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Ricky and David are meandering their way through Leith.

Once upon a time, Leith was known for its port.

Today, it's the area's association with pugilism that's going to get these boys excited.

Ricky, because you've been a great travel companion-- Yes.

--I've got a super surprise for you.

Brilliant.

I'm going to take you somewhere very special.

We're going to go and visit the oldest amateur boxing club in Scotland.

Oh, that's brilliant.

NARRATOR: Over the years, the Leith Victoria Amateur Athletics Club has trained many triumphant fighters.

The club was created in hard times by even harder men and, against the odds, still survives to this day.

DAVID HARPER: Now this is your world now, Ricky.

Over to you, this one.

This looks like a proper boxing gym.

I'm liking it already.

NARRATOR: Here to tell the lads more about the club's history is current club secretary Douglas Fraser, a member himself for over 60 years.

I love it, Davey.

It's proper old school.

How long you been going?

We've been going as a boxing club since 1919.

We are Scotland's oldest boxing club.

So you're talking about nearly 100 years ago, when it was a tough place.

Right?

The area of Leith was a very, very deprived area.

The kids that used to play in the street, the Leith Victoria was one of the clubs that they could go to, to get off the street and, you know, behave themselves.

RICKY GROVER: Sort themselves out.

DOUGLAS FRASER: And we had many, many kids that used to come in here that was bad kids from schools and, you know, used to be in trouble.

And we turned them into proper men.

NARRATOR: End of the Great War left Leith with high rates of crime and unemployment.

And shipbuilding presented one of the few employment opportunities.

So who was it that got this club off the ground?

It was basically one shipbuilder by the name of Tancy Lee, who at the time was a professional boxer.

He was also the first man to win a Lonsdale belt outright.

And although we are still known as Amateur Athletic Club, he started the actual boxing section.

NARRATOR: Under the stewardship of Tancy Lee, who was also an experienced coach, boxing quickly became the focus.

He brought in two other coaches, Curly Paterson and Nasher Ness.

Nasher Ness, Tancy Lee, I mean, what else could you be other than a fighter with a name like that?

Did you have a name, Ricky, when you were fighting?

My, my boxing name was Ricky "Goodnight" Grover.

Why, why the "Goodnight," Ricky?

Well, what I used to do, I used to cue him up, and as I see him wobble a little bit I just go crack, good night.

You know.

It didn't always work, but-- NARRATOR: Tancy's most successful protégé was Johnny Hill.

Born in Leith in 1905, Johnny was only 19 years old when he exploded onto the boxing scene.

In 1928, he went to Clapton Orient's football ground, boxed the American called Newsboy Brown, and after 15 rounds he won on points and brought the title back to Scotland.

NARRATOR: That victory meant that Johnny Hill became Scotland's first World Champion.

The success stories continue to this day, with the club boasting two world champions, three Olympic medallists, and five Commonwealth Games winners.

Despite its success, the club has remained true to its roots, and to this day still strives to serve the local community.

In 1919, our constitution was written up, and it's still the same one today.

From day one, if you have a boy or girl coming through the door that doesn't have any money, we will still take them through the door.

That's brilliant.

And funny enough, I have not got a shilling left.

Right?

DAVID HARPER: It's true.

But I'm here, and I'm going to show my Davey.

I've promised him I'm going to show him how to put a little combo together, a little spiteful one up the ribs.

You know what I'm talking about.

- Yeah, definitely.

Yeah.

- Is that all right, mate?

Can I do a bit?

- Let's go, guys.

We'll get you ready.

Oh, I'm ready.

[MUSIC - SURVIVOR, "EYE OF THE TIGER"] NARRATOR: In the red corner, Ricky "Goodnight" Grover.

And in the blue corner, David "The Haggler" Harper.

What are you going to teach me, Ricky?

The shot I've been talking about.

- Yeah.

- Hit them up the ribs.

- Yeah.

- Right?

So that was a metaphor.

Now I'm going to show you how to do it.

- All right, do it.

- A little bit square on, Davey.

A little bit of square on, that's it.

Now show me your shoulder.

I'll get you some gloves.

Like that?

I don't need gloves.

[BELL RINGS] Ow!

Yeah.

That was it, now.

NARRATOR: Right.

Back to the job in hand.

There's antiques to buy!

Let's catch up with Tim and James, who are heading to nearby Newington.

Do you have to be funny to get to have a voice within the family dynamic?

Oh, in the family?

Well, I'm the middle child, so, you know.

Oh, I see.

The middle child is always sort of-- Seeking affection.

Yeah, exactly, yeah.

JAMES BRAXTON: When did they winkle you out of the house, then?

TIM VINE: Well I was shoehorned out in the, ah, it was the middle of last year.

But my mom would like me to take the washing round.

I draw the line at that.

I said, "Look, Mum, you know."

"Could you pick it up?"

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: No.

Not you as well, James.

Their next port of call is Allan KL Jackson Antiques and Curios.

Shopkeeper Ricky is on hand to help.

- James.

- I'm Ricky.

Ricky.

Nice to meet you.

NARRATOR: Wonder where Allan is?

Lurking.

Just got a job in a bowling alley.

He's a tenpin.

That's not his permanent job.

I didn't tell you that I've recently got a job as a spout for a teapot.

Yeah.

I'm the pourer for it.

NARRATOR: It's just drip-feeding.

What about paintings?

Is there anything that your eye is drawn to?

What about-- it's not a Fox, is it, that one?

It is a Fox.

How much have you got on that picture?

70 pounds.

TIM VINE: Where's the fox, on the right-hand corner?

JAMES BRAXTON: No, it's the name of the artist.

TIM VINE: Oh, I see.

I've been looking for a fox.

JAMES BRAXTON: Sorry, it's Fox.

But it's also got foxing, which is damp, on the thing.

Yeah.

JAMES BRAXTON: Do you like it, or does it leave you cold?

Well, it's-- I wouldn't say it leaves me cold.

It leaves me old.

It leaves me old.

NARRATOR: OK. How about cold?

So, oh!

That's quite nice.

That's a nice chair.

It's a lovely chair.

It's priced expensively.

How much?

1740 pounds.

No, no, no, no.

That's circa 1740.

Oh is it?

George II.

It's a genuine mistake.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: A genuine antique, from the 18th century.

The ticket price is 240 pounds.

Falling!

JAMES BRAXTON: So George II was about 1727 to about 1760.

Yeah.

JAMES BRAXTON: 240, Ricky.

Oof.

RICKY: 150 will buy it.

NARRATOR: That's already 90 pounds off.

JAMES BRAXTON: I'll tell you what, it's got a nice, wide seat.

People used to have larger bottoms, years ago.

The other day, someone said, can I have three chairs for my patio?

I said, well, what's so good about it?

[LAUGHTER] For that reason, I feel like this-- I quite like this chair, but I do feel as though-- and yet, and don't get me wrong, the 100 was-- I feel as though 100's a teeny bit over-priced because when you brought-- It was 150.

Well, 150, was it?

RICKY: Worth it.

That's not so bad, really.

Do you remember the total we paid at the last place we went?

Yes, I do.

We can certainly put it to him.

JAMES BRAXTON: I think we should put it to him.

120 pounds-- Might be well a handshake out of it.

--and you've got a deal.

120 pounds, we hand you the hard cash.

150.

That gives me a small profit, then it works.

Let's shake the man's hand at 130.

Come on, let's do it.

Should we do that?

I think we do.

I think extend the hand of friendship.

I think we should do.

Extend the hand.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, well done, Ricky.

NARRATOR: That's the mahogany chair bought for 130 pounds.

A big purchase, but let's hope it pays off.

So that's the shopping complete for this trip.

Now let's see if we can guess what one another have bought, shall we?

TIM VINE: See that thing over there shaped like a chair?

DAVID HARPER: Yeah.

- I can't tell you what that is.

[LAUGHTER] What do you think it is, Ricky?

- Should we reveal?

- Yes.

Go on.

You do.

You go first.

Here we go.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, there we are!

I'm feeling better, now.

I'm feeling great.

I'm feeling better, now!

That's a, uh, Nepalese tent pole.

No, what is it again?

- Didgeridoo.

- Didgeridoo.

Yeah.

That's not even a didgeridoo.

That's look more like a baseball bat, isn't it?

Well, we didn't clarify that.

That's like a Babe Ruth batter.

Isn't it?

You can put a flame in it as well, and it doubles up as one of those Olympic torch things.

So it's got-- its multi-purpose.

So there we are.

There's that.

It's lovely.

We've got this, which this is very exciting.

It's actually a lemon-squeezer, from sort of Victorian, is it?

Victorian?

- Yeah.

TIM VINE: Yeah.

Victorian lemon-squeezy.

That's, uh, that's the queen's.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Yeah [INTERPOSING VOICES] And this is something that's used by people for when they want to see something really close.

[LAUGHTER] How do I look?

Stand over there and say that.

Very, very interesting.

- And we got a chair.

- And a chair.

TIM VINE: I'm wondering what stuff is on the losing table.

Are you going to play [INAUDIBLE] Tim?

Right.

Oh, good idea.

Yeah, here we go.

[MOUTH NOISES] NARRATOR: Right, Ricky.

Wow.

There we are.

DAVID HARPER: There you go.

Knock yourselves out.

What in heaven's name?

What is-- What's this here?

What's that?

DAVID HARPER: We loved that, Ricky, didn't we?

RICKY GROVER: Oh, we loved that!

DAVID HARPER: Yeah.

It's a shell duck.

- Shell duck?

DAVID HARPER: It's a shell duck, yeah.

Have you never seen a shell duck before?

No.

DAVID HARPER: No.

I wonder why!

What is that?

DAVID HARPER: It's a, a pottery model of a gorilla skull.

TIM VINE: It's not an actual skull.

DAVID HARPER: No, no.

But, see, that is an actual lemon-squeezer.

It's not a model of one.

[LAUGHTER] And what's that thing there?

RICKY GROVER: It's like a-- DAVID HARPER: It's a fountain.

RICKY GROVER: Yeah, so that's a fountain.

It's lovely, isn't it?

I like that, actually.

Yeah.

And I've got a big Chinese thing that you hang on the wall.

Of course, it's very delicate, because it's worth a lot of money.

Yeah.

With that, that's to go straight to the auction.

They got an incense burner, as well.

TIM VINE: They have got an incense burner.

RICKY GROVER: Oh, we've got the lot, we have.

DAVID HARPER: Yeah, very well done.

Well, I think we should meet at the auction, then.

Shall we?

- Yeah.

See you there.

Game on.

Indeed.

NARRATOR: Come on, now.

Time to spill the beans.

I think we're going to absolutely massacre them.

I can't believe what they bought.

TIM VINE: That's the sort of thing I would buy, is that duck.

JAMES BRAXTON: Would you?

Well, yeah.

But I mean, there's not a lot of people are like me, have the taste of the rubbish that I want to buy.

I mean-- That chair is unbelievable, isn't it?

Tim, I mean, he's posh, he stayed on at school and everything.

But I think we've got this one.

I feel confident.

OK, great.

You know, after the auction we can reappraise, can't we?

Yeah, well, you can carry on doing the job you're doing, and I can realize it's not my strength.

NARRATOR: After starting out in Inverkeithing, our celebrities and experts have traveled south across the border for an auction in Wooler.

Your bottle's gone isn't it?

Tell the truth.

Well, I have a slight fever about the chair, it's true.

RICKY GROVER: If your bottle is gone, if you want me to try and help you out-- because I feel a bit embarrassed for you-- I'll give you the shell duck.

TIM VINE: My bottle is perfectly intact, thank you very much.

We may not make a lot of money.

We may even lose money.

But I think we'll do a little bit better than you.

NARRATOR: Confidence all round, then.

Now do I hear the, the limping sound of an exhaust?

I can hear a Triumph TR6.

I can see it!

Here they come.

Look at that.

Oh.

We're a pair of thumping studs.

Don't they look fantastic?

JAMES BRAXTON: Go on, Ricky.

Get up.

It's the auction.

[INTERPOSING VOICES] Get in there!

DAVID HARPER: Oh, I didn't think you were going to make it.

NARRATOR: Ricky and David went all out, spending their full 400 pounds on six-- yes, six-- auction lots.

While Tim and James were a little more conservative, spending 265 pounds on five auction lots.

Jim Railton is the man in charge today.

What does he make of our purchases?

The Chinese hanging is very distressed, alas.

Um, if it wasn't so distressed, it would almost be a museum piece.

But it's a good thing.

And, hanging on someone's wall, it's a bit of a history.

Mahogany chair is a period chair.

Lovely, dense, heavy mahogany.

Proper period piece.

It's a real antique.

So that should make 100 pounds.

NARRATOR: Oh, yeah.

As well as buyers in the room, today's auction is also online.

Time to take a seat, gents.

Very exciting.

Are you excited?

Yeah, very.

Yeah.

NARRATOR: First up, we have Ricky's Benares bell and the Japanese incense burner.

Starting at 30 pounds.

Anywhere?

Go on.

JIM RAILTON: 10 pounds, anywhere?

He's doing it deliberately.

JIM RAILTON: 10 pounds, I'm bid.

12?

14?

16?

18?

You're at 20.

OK. Keep going.

JIM RAILTON: Do you want to go 22?

24?

24.

26.

28.

Go on.

Do you want to go 30, sir?

DAVID HARPER: Go on.

30 pounds.

35.

- 35.

Here we are.

JIM RAILTON: 40.

Here we go.

45?

Close the lid on your computer.

JIM RAILTON: 40 pounds.

I'm going to close it.

40 pounds.

NARRATOR: Not bad.

That's a 15-pound profit.

That's all right, isn't it, Ricky?

- Yeah.

- Good start.

Good start.

NARRATOR: Tim's didgeridoo is next.

I'll have to start the bidding at 26 pounds.

26.

28, anywhere in the room?

26.

28.

30.

32.

RICKY GROVER: For a rubbish didgeridoo?

We knew that.

We just knew.

JIM RAILTON: 34, anyone?

Gentleman with the cap on at 32.

Going at 32.

NARRATOR: Strong profit there.

Both off to good starts.

I'll say this, I never doubted it.

NARRATOR: Hopefully for Ricky, there's someone in the room that likes shell-decorated boxes shaped like ducks.

I've got three commissioned bids.

We'll have to start the bidding at 25 pounds.

25.

28 anywhere?

Yeah, 28.

30.

32?

32.

And nothing on the internet?

DAVID HARPER: Come on in.

JIM RAILTON: It's all done at 32.

Augh.

NARRATOR: There you go.

First loss.

I told you it was quackers.

The only thing that's making me feel all right is knowing you've got that chair.

It's what's getting me through this.

Excuse me!

Listen, if you're going to make a noise, you can go out.

If you're going to talk, out.

NARRATOR: OK.

I take the hint.

Leave the room, chaps.

Up next are those magnification goggles.

And I can start 12 pounds.

14 anywhere?

14 the back of the room.

16.

18?

16 the bid to meet.

18 new bidder.

20 on the internet.

22.

24?

At 22.

I'm going to sell at 22.

NARRATOR: Not a great performance.

And the chaps have relocated to an area just off the sale room.

I used to get this at school all the time.

Did you?

NARRATOR: Next up, Ricky's cast of a gorilla skull.

I've got one commission bid, and I can start at 18 pounds.

20 anywhere?

18 pounds.

JIM RAILTON: At 18 pounds.

Last.

Going at 18.

NARRATOR: 18 quid's good if you bought it for 10.

I'm pretty sure that they were selling the teeth individually.

Let's see how the rest go.

NARRATOR: It's Tim's coronation coach and boxer next.

Two commission bids.

I can start at 25 pounds.

28.

30.

32.

34, new bidder.

38.

40.

42.

Going to go 44.

Yes, 44.

46.

48?

No?

46, then.

I said I liked it!

50!

I said I liked it!

Going to sell, 46.

Sale done.

TIM VINE: Yeah, we made a loss.

But, but-- Well, there's no but.

We made a loss.

Shh.

NARRATOR: Hurry back, Tim.

It's Ricky's pair of early-20th-century pewter candlesticks.

I've got one small commission, but I can start at 10 pounds.

10.

12, anywhere?

10.

JIM RAILTON: Starting at 10 pounds.

12.

14.

Bidding, sir?

16.

DAVID HARPER: Wait, wait, wait.

JIM RAILTON: 16 pounds.

16 pounds.

18 16 pounds.

16.

Well done!

JIM RAILTON: 16 pounds.

I'm going to sell for 16.

NARRATOR: A profit!

Excellent work.

16.

16.

We're making money.

You're making money!

NARRATOR: Right.

Time for Tim's lemon press.

Bid's against the room at 30 pounds.

30.

30 pounds.

- Anyone to go 35, anywhere?

- I'm going to go and check.

I'll be back in a sec.

It would be a good thing to have on your sideboard.

30 pounds.

And I'm selling at 30.

- Internet.

Internet.

- All done.

30 pounds.

NARRATOR: Hm.

That's a 10-pound loss.

We squeezed what we could out of it.

[LAUGHTER] NARRATOR: Now, will Ricky's water fountain spout a profit?

I'm going in.

Go in.

I've got 5 commission bids, so at 40 pounds I'm going to sell.

Who wants to go 45?

We nearly caught a bull's-eye.

JIM RAILTON: 40 pounds.

I'm going to sell at 40.

NARRATOR: Just shy of a bull's-eye.

Ricky, a great profit.

That's good.

You've made 15 pounds.

Yeah, very good.

Yeah, but I was expected more.

I was expecting a lot.

NARRATOR: It's Tim's last lot of the day.

The George II side chair.

- How much you pay?

- Here we go.

Here we go.

Lovely mahogany chair, this.

And I've got a small commission, but now I have to start at 25 pounds.

28?

26.

JIM RAILTON: Selling at 25 pounds.

28 anywhere?

Jumped up to 40 then, on the internet.

Two people bidding on the internet.

Nobody in the room.

What's happening?

It's a disaster.

JIM RAILTON: All done.

Everybody finished at 40 pounds.

NARRATOR: Ouch.

That's the biggest loss so far.

You might as well run the credits.

NARRATOR: Just one more lot in.

It's Ricky's Chinese silk drape.

There's this rather special banner hanging here, a Chinese banner.

And again, a lot of interest in this.

Lots of interest.

So we'll have to start the bidding at 120.

RICKY GROVER: 120.

Wow!

What did he buy it at?

120.

JIM RAILTON: Who wants to go 130?

120, then I'm going to sell at 130.

Get in there!

JIM RAILTON: 150.

160.

170.

I'm out at 160.

NARRATOR: Come on!

All done.

At 170.

All done.

NARRATOR: Ha.

Another loss.

I think this could be really, really close.

Who's good at adding up?

He's good at adding up.

I'm good at adding up.

So that makes three of us.

Shh.

- Cup of tea.

- Cup of tea.

Cup of tea.

Come on.

NARRATOR: Tim and James started out with 400 pounds, and after auction costs they made a loss of 125 pounds and 60 pence.

So they end up with a total of 274 pounds, 40 Pence.

Ricky and David also started out with 400 pounds, and after auction costs they made a slightly smaller loss of 124 pounds, 48p.

Meaning that they finish with 275 pounds, 52 pence, making them our winners by only 1 pound and 12 pence!

[CHEERS] How did that happen?

[INAUDIBLE] JAMES BRAXTON: All right, don't overdo it.

Manly handshake.

Only a pound in it.

Do you know what?

It's the first time in my life I've gained a pound and I feel happy about it.

Come, Tim.

Let's go, mate.

Great to see you.

Lovely to see you.

Timothy, take me to the East End!

Hey!

I'm going to give you five hours of stink, mate, all the way home.

Off they go, then.

I think it's only fair we let those two have the last laugh.

Driving along in the middle of nowhere with this little motor!

[MUSIC PLAYING]